Tuesday, January 22, 2008

i know, i know

this internets thing, with the blogging, and the no! not the minute-by-minute highs and lows of chewtastic, it gets to be too much. i did want to mention, though, that while i'm not really having bouts of anxiety about being thirty and the whole mortality thing, i can't escape dead people. especially someone who od'ed the day before my birthday, or someone who'd be thirty-one next week. there's a fine line to be trod, to not be overly maudlin or optimistically in denial, and for now i'm going to cautiously move forward and ignore all of it. you know my motto's been "no regrets" for a while. i don't want to blithely give in to hedonism or throw myself into work (with the exception of school, yeah), but i can't think about death or worry about other people any more either. it emotionally cripples me.

i swear i won't bring this up again. i just wanted to make sure i knew i would never forget.

3 comments:

amanda said...

thirty always makes you feel funny, even if you are totally okay with it! and the heath ledger thing...i wasn't a huge fan, but i was totally shocked and sad. hormones? decent human kindness? i don't know. if it were my birthday coming up i'd feel extra weird too.

i have decided next year that i'm going to call my birthday the 10th anniversary of 21 and go out like a rockstar.

mybloodyself said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mybloodyself said...

I realized you said you were NOT really having bouts of anxiety about being thirty, so I removed my post...